The West Wing Redux

Aka The Bill & Babe Show

‘You’ve got to stay with me, Bill.’

“I will, babe.  I’m right here.’

‘Be right - by - my side.’

‘Right here, babe.’

‘I really need you now, Bill.’

‘Right by your side.  Standing by my woman.’

‘Don’t be funny.  This is serious, Bill.’

‘I know, babe.’

‘…It’s so ridiculous.  I’m doing fine, and then all of a sudden, I blank out, and ‘it’ takes over.’

‘I know, babe.’

What do you know, Bill.’

‘What?  How do you mean.’

‘Have they told you anything that they haven’t told me, about - ‘it’?’

‘No.  Same thing.’

‘What.  What have they told you.’

‘That It’a an involuntary thing, kind of like a form of Tourette’s Syndrome, or something else with an even funnier name.  If you start getting into a stress situation, - ‘

‘’It’ takes over.’

‘That’s it, babe.’

‘…Fucking bastards.  What have they done to me?!’

‘They don’t really know what all is going on, babe.  It could not even be from the meds.’

‘But it probably is.’

‘Who knows.’

‘…Fucking damn…I’m owed this, Bill.’

‘Mm.’

‘It’s my turn, Bill.  You know that.’

‘Mm.’

‘It was my turn, when that fucking nigger came out of nowhere, and blindsided me.  And he's not even fucking eligible, for chrissake.’

'Got it.  But as you and I both know, it's part of the larger picture.'

'Fuck the larger picture...And in the meantime, I've had to twiddle my fucking toes.'

'Thumbs.'

'What?'

'Twiddle your thumbs, is how it goes.'

'It 'goes' the way I fucking say it goes.'

‘Be that as it may...'

'What the fuck is that supposed to mean.'

'It 'means' that we’ve been over all this before, babe.’

‘Well, tough shit.  Just because they let us know that ‘It’s part of the plan,’ that’s supposed to make it feel all nice and warm and fuzzy?’  

‘Speaking of feeling fuzzy; how’re you doing?’

‘What?  Oh.  You’re worried about me.’

‘Well…’

‘Just because the old hag is getting her panties in a twist.’

‘Well.  You know….’

‘I know.  I know.  ‘Keep cool.’  ‘Keep calm.’  No matter what the fuck is going on…  How’re the polls.’

’Still holding, babe.’

‘They’d better be.  It’s costing us enough.’

’Still holding, babe.’

‘...Bill, put that fucking paper down and take off those stupid glasses and listen to me now, close.’

‘I’m listening, babe.’

‘What if this doesn’t work, Bill.’

‘This.’

‘This - charade.  You’re covering for me, and all.’

‘It’ll work, babe.  We’ve been - ‘

‘It had better.  Yes, I was - we, were able to make a few bucks when I was playing second fiddle to the nigger.  And that has given us a lot of leverage, now.’

‘Big, leverage.’

‘Right.  I know.  I know…So, we’re doing well, now.  Except for this - shit!’

‘What - are you feeling - ‘

‘Oh, no, Bill.  I’m just so fucking - tired.  Of this - thing, that has happened to me.’

‘To us, babe.  To us.’

‘What?’

‘We’re in this together, remember.’   

‘Yes.  Yes….We have sure been through a lot together.  Haven’t we, Bill.’

‘A lot.’

'Can’t let the side down, now…’

’That’s it, babe.  Just hang in there.  We’ll see this through.’

‘Right.  Right…Except……’

‘…What.’

‘Except…every once in awhile.  I get to thinking…oh, shit.  What if there’s a God after all.’

‘So?  Nothing to do with the here and now.’

‘I know.  I know…but what if……what if that’s what this is all about.’

‘Your ‘delicate condition’?  But we know what that’s all about, babe.  Well.  In part.’

‘What is it 'all about,' Bill.’

‘It’s about a physical condition.  And the doctors are doing their best to check it out.  That’s - all.’

‘…And are they.’

'What?  As in…?’

‘Are they, really, “doing their best to check it out”.  What if the bastards are behind this crap.’

‘We’ve been through this before too, babe.’

‘I know.  And I know that we have been told, by these fuckers, that some paranoia can be part of the side effects, too.  But hell, Bill.  You know how devious these sons of bitches are.  They could be just saying that.  To cover their asses.  And deliberately screwing me over.  Screwing us, over.’

‘To what end, babe.’

‘Don’t pull that ‘big sigh’ crap on me, Bill.  You know what I mean.’

‘That…’

‘That once a thief…’

(together; ‘Babe’ beginning to cackle, and hoisting her glass of wine as if in a toast; Bill, letting it go while in their own private space, and deciding to join in the hilarity of it all, to let it all out in their little private moment:)

‘Always a thief.’

End of Episode


(And my apologies to a real couple who would be spending such a quiet evening at home together, instead of each of them doing their own thing.  With whoever. Or whatever.)